Clean Windows!

I have never been afraid of death for myself… As long as I can remember, I have felt, I was there before I knew this world. And I will be still, when my spirit leaves this world to stay with my father in heaven. I have however felt great fear at the loss of those I love. It is funny in a way, I so feared the loss of time and love that I wanted to share with them. That I forgot that knowledge of being with God.
My daughter Sara was my first teacher. When she experienced kidney failure, the doctors did not give her or us very much hope of her living. I saw her contemplate her death seriously. Watched as she came to a decision about how she would handle it. She never complained of being short changed or cheated. Yes, she was angry, but not at God. She found a way to be kind to all who treated her. To laugh in spite of astounding pain. She explained her wishes regarding death and asked that we honor them. How could I argue? I understood that she had found peace. But How? Because I was really afraid. I so admired her courage! Wished I had it.
 With my diagnosis of Cancer a couple of summers ago. I finally had my moment to contemplate death for myself. I too was angry, but not at God. I asked God to give me the strength to face what ever was to come with half as much courage as my daughter. He sent me “a peace that passes understanding”. It was strange how the answers poured over me then like a balm. It was okay to be angry, but not to wallow in it.
I  now finally understood my time with my loved ones would only be short here on earth but, in heaven, our time together would be infinite and so joyous! How easy it was with that knowledge to move forward! Happiness and joy came easy to me then. Acceptance and yes, Laughter  came next. Yes, there was pain and discomfort, but that heavenly understanding made it easy to see that everything the doctors did for me was to bring me health. I could face anything!
And I realized the most important thing, the one thing I had failed to really comprehend. God was there with me in all things! This is what had given Sara such peace! He had cleaned the earthly crud off my window and helped me see through it to the other side. I knew that if I died, my time away from those I love, would be like a brief pause in a conversation. I do not fear death in any way now. More fearful would be life lived without My heavenly father.
Still, I do hope to bring my family together more. We so often waste the glorious gifts we have been given to share with each other here on earth. Too often we are concerned with things not as important as they seem. Ask yourself, if you knew you were going to die in a month what would you do? What would you say to those you love? Who would you want to share time with? Then step forward in faith and do it. Why wait?

Sara fighting the good fight!