Christmas Miracle

I was witness to a miracle.

The beginning, middle and end.

Well not the end, I should say the "now", because I do not nearly believe that God is done.
You see recently my daughter who has kidney failure, received a kidney. And people have been telling the story, but in their excitement they are getting it mixed up.
And the story is important!  Really important!
It is why this is special, a MIRACLE!

On December 6th my granddaughter Mina and I began our walk to the Christmas in the village event.

Now I have written about our walks before. They are special, she is special.
Today, she is a little sad, she wishes her mom could be with us. I see a strange look on her face, " grandma?" "Can I ask Santa for anything?"
I pause, think for a moment, and say "of course you can!" "really? " "Anything?" She says. "Of course" I reply.
We are halfway to the village plaza where the event takes place, we stop and check out a sign for the holiday bazaar at her school set for the next day, and then continue on our way. As we walk, she tells me she is a little nervous. Afraid of what Santa will say or think. A little embarrassed cause she thinks that she may not ask for the right thing or ask it correctly. Whatever she wants, I am thinking it must be a very big expensive toy...

"Can I guess what you are going to ask Santa for" I ask?
"No", she says" if I tell, it won't come true"!
Not being able to stop myself, I burst out laughing! "Honey, that's only for birthday wishes!" "You can tell what you would like from Santa".
 "Really?!" "Really grandma!?"
She explains that daddy had sent her letter to Santa, and she believed that she was not supposed to talk about it, or she would not get anything. Then she tells me that she wants something special, something for mommy...
Understanding, and comprehension rolled over me. My throat swelled and I said quietly "Santa will understand, you can ask Santa for anything".
And I began to pray for an understanding and kind Santa.

It was beautiful night, cold, crisp, and sparkly snow. We were early. We got to Santa's workshop right at 6pm when they were scheduled to open, We walked in the door , there was two sisters ahead of us. Another girl came in behind us. I asked the lady at the desk for a picture, and paid for it. And suddenly I heard Santa ask her forward. I walked up holding her hand and Santa smiled and invited her to sit on his lap. He wrapped his arm around her and drew her close and asked "have you been a good girl"? " I try to be" she answered. And then he asked the question,
you know the question,

"What would you like for Christmas honey"?

The air crackled...I felt like I should not be there.
Have you ever caught someone in fervent, heart rending prayer ? I have. It is a sensation like no other. You feel like a trespasser.
But I was there, a witness...
There was a feeling of light and expectation and faith, utter, pure faith! And you realize something miraculous is about to occur.

She looked at me for a moment, said she could not remember what she wanted.
We both know that is not true. I said "it's okay honey".
But then she seemed to realize this was her chance, turned and looked back at Santa and said..."my mommy has kidney failure and she is on dialysis and I would really like a new kidney for her". Without blinking Santa told her" well, you know that is not something Santa can do", "She replied, "I know...", "but", he said, "I know the right people to have pray about your mommy so that your  request goes to the right person". He then told her he was sure she was a very good girl and that Santa would bring her something special, and then almost as if he forgot he added," too". Too?, I thought, wait...

And then the lady showed us to the table with the pictures. We took our picture,  thanked Santa, walked out.

All the while rolling around my head is the word "too..."

We met grandpa for dinner and  I still kept hearing that "too" and remembering my bible and the importance of claiming a miracle  I told Andy what Mina had asked for. He was surprised but happy, looked at me and said "what did Santa do?" I told him everything. "Wow!" He said. "That is funny."
We finished our dinner, and went to wait in line for the Christmas trolley. We got on and made our way to the lighting of the Christmas star on the water tower. This event was on Main Street, just down the road. As we walked around on Main Street, with joyful families and people all around, Mina asked me the meaning of the Christmas star? I told her my belief was it was the beginning of the celebration of Christmas here in Hamburg and people were excited to have a visible representation that Christmas was here.
When the star lit up we cheered with everyone else. "Maybe the star is like God saying he got my wish!" she said excitedly! We walked around and toasted marshmallows and talked and talked. By the time we made it to our place we were cold and tired but so happy! All night long she was so happy, sure in the knowledge that God had received her wish for mommy.
When I took her home, mommy met us at the door. She asked Mina how things had gone with Santa? Mina replied "good!" and ran into the apartment. I told Sara what had happened, and she almost cried "thank you Mina!" she said and hugged her. I went home feeling peaceful and happy. All the way home hearing "too" Over and over, all night long.

For the next couple weeks we went on making our Christmas plans and getting excited about being all together at christmas, it had been so long. Christmas Eve we were all at Sara's and Erik's, watching the kids enjoy being together. It was lovely... we went home. I put away the dishes, laid down with a book preparing to relax. The phone rang, announced Sara was calling, and I knew!
Mommy! Do you remember Mina's Christmas wish?!
Our excitement was almost too much to bear. "I will be there in 5!" I told her.

I think I made it in 2 minutes.
Then as I stood there in the living room, my coat off, getting ready to spend the night with Mina and getting instructions for Christmas morning.the phone rang. "Hello!" she excitedly answered and suddenly  her face dropped.
"Uh huh' Yes' okay..." She hung up and tearfully looked at Erik and I. "They want to biopsy the kidney again. They say to call back at 6 am if I don't hear from them before then" she said, her voice breaking...
In seconds Erik had her wrapped in a hug and he was saying exactly what I was about to say.
"Don't worry!" He said " they just want to be sure!"
"Mina's wish was for Christmas!"
"Yes exactly!" I said "that is exactly what I was going to say!"
I went home and let Erik comfort and encourage her.
Thinking, and hearing " too" I knew, I just knew!

I went and laid down, I did't even undress, I got up at 3am, and waited, I knew! At 5 am the phone rang. "Are they ready for you?" I asked.
I heard the smile in her voice..."yup!"

I ran all the way there. I came in the door and Mina ran to hug me. "Look what Santa brought me!" she said pointing to her toys, "and he brought mommy her kidney!" Smiling
 " too." I added.

Now, this miracle came with a price, another family lost someone they loved. He had signed his donor card and they honored his wishes. Because of his generosity 11 lives were changed forever... Miraculous!

Our hearts go out to this family and the others everywhere who give this last gift of themselves and their loved ones to save others.

And, I want you to know it is a miracle that can be repeated again and again by simply signing a donor card and talking to your family about your wishes. It is so appreciated!

Mina has taught me so many things, have the faith of a child, ask, even if you are not sure, and wait with expectation because
God will bless you. Believe!

I witnessed a Christmas miracle...

Do you hear what I hear?

Listening.
someone posted that word on my facebook page this week and I have been pondering it mightily!

Oh, it sounds so simple. but it's not. 
We think we are listening....

But, you know that game where you stand in a line and someone tells the first person in line something, whispered quietly in their ear... 
But, by the time it gets to the last person, it is something totally different from what had been originally whispered. Did we really listen.

How does that happen? 
Do we do it on purpose?
If it was about us would we take care to make sure it was shared correctly?
Our best friend, our spouse, our children?
What then? 

The same goes for when we speak  to someone...
Do we think before we speak? 
Do we speak from our hearts?
Are we listening to what we say?
Ahhhh... there's that word again. 
Listening, hearing, feeling what we say.
I sadly don't think so.

Nope. 

I hear people saying things that make me feel like curling up in a ball. 
Talking to their children, "you are such a little drama queen!" " oh, he always lies!" "don't believe a word he says. "
My most hated thing, kids stuck standing there while their father berates and belittles their mother and then turns to his daughter who is tugging on his jacket and says "what! " "You are just like your mother! Can't you just sit there and be quiet?!" 
I don't care why she was tugging on his jacket. that is never, ever okay!

And here is the weird part. When I have had the chance to talk to people later about why they might have said these things. They deny it! Vehemently! So I have to think they were not really listening.  to anything.

I was recently reading an article where a young man was talking about his family. because of circumstances beyond his control a family member was disabled and his parents had to care for that person. He was young and an easy target for his parents frustration and anger for the situation. their anger manifested itself in verbal abuse. Horrible verbal abuse... And after many years of counseling he tried to talk to them. 
They called him a liar! They really believed they had been wonderful supportive parents. 

That he was the troublemaker. 

He had the best explanation for it I have ever heard. 
The person who is doing the berating, the name calling, has every reason to want to forget what they have done, to write a new history in their head, and that is why they truly believe that they have done nothing wrong.  they never said those horrible things...
But the person that has been the brunt of such words, are scarred. Those words are burned into their hearts and brains. They will always feel less than they are, always judge themselves by 2 measuring sticks, the worlds and the person that told them they were less...

And they can never ever forget.

Hard as it must be, we all have to start listening, take care to hear our words, before, and after we speak them. Maybe to be brave enough to stop playing the game, say "I am not sure what I heard , but I don't want to repeat it to anyone!" and walk out of that line. To say I am so embarrassed by my words and ashamed of what I said to you, or about you. that all I can do is ask forgiveness.

Somebody is going to tell me it's just a silly game.
Or say they are only teasing when they call their children names. It toughens them up. (yup! it sure does! But not in a good way.)
Or that the father had every right to berate that daughter, and say what he did.

But I am asking you to take a day or two and think about it. Talk with your friends. See if they have experienced anything similar and what their take is on it. see how they feel. Listen....

Because if there is even the smallest thought in your head, or having experienced seeing it in person you, yourself, felt uncomfortable... then we as a people  need to rethink the way we speak and listen to each other, and ourselves. 

I am taking a long look at me. 
I wanna do this right. 
I want to listen...

Here Comes the Sun!

,

You can't see it in this picture, but these guys are dancing, like crazy!
They are my early warning system.
I bought them for the enjoyment of my grandchildren, and they do love them!
As Ellie told me " their butt is doing a happy dance to me grandma!"
But, I am finding they bring me much JOY too! 
The more days I wake up and they start dancing the  closer I get to spring!

I'll be honest I have seasonal depression, And this winter has been tuff...
Dark and so cold! 
I have always been able to combat it in the past by spending time outside at least a couple days a week.  

Not so much this year... 

Going out hurt! My bones, my lungs, my face.... it just was not pleasant  at all. 

But I have faith! I have placed my little  dancers in the window and there they sing thier little rythmic song. tickety, tickety, tickety....
♫♪♫ Here comes the SUN! Here comes the Sun! And I say it's alright! ♫♪♫  
The earth is working hard to shake off the winter white and they are my little cheerleaders!

My little dollar store babies remind me to look expectantly out the window and believe, it's coming, SPRING!
Mmm mm mmm mm, mm mm mmm mm....

Christmas Miracle

I was witness to a miracle.

The beginning, middle and end.

Well not the end, I should say the "now", because I do not nearly believe that God is done.
You see recently my daughter who has kidney failure, received a kidney. And people have been telling the story, but in their excitement they are getting it mixed up.
And the story is important!  Really important!
It is why this is special, a MIRACLE!

On December 6th my granddaughter Mina and I began our walk to the Christmas in the village event.

Now I have written about our walks before. They are special, she is special.
Today, she is a little sad, she wishes her mom could be with us. I see a strange look on her face, " grandma?" "Can I ask Santa for anything?"
I pause, think for a moment, and say "of course you can!" "really? " "Anything?" She says. "Of course" I reply.
We are halfway to the village plaza where the event takes place, we stop and check out a sign for the holiday bazaar at her school set for the next day, and then continue on our way. As we walk, she tells me she is a little nervous. Afraid of what Santa will say or think. A little embarrassed cause she thinks that she may not ask for the right thing or ask it correctly. Whatever she wants, I am thinking it must be a very big expensive toy...

"Can I guess what you are going to ask Santa for" I ask?
"No", she says" if I tell, it won't come true"!
Not being able to stop myself, I burst out laughing! "Honey, that's only for birthday wishes!" "You can tell what you would like from Santa".
 "Really?!" "Really grandma!?"
She explains that daddy had sent her letter to Santa, and she believed that she was not supposed to talk about it, or she would not get anything. Then she tells me that she wants something special, something for mommy...
Understanding, and comprehension rolled over me. My throat swelled and I said quietly "Santa will understand, you can ask Santa for anything".
And I began to pray for an understanding and kind Santa.

It was beautiful night, cold, crisp, and sparkly snow. We were early. We got to Santa's workshop right at 6pm when they were scheduled to open, We walked in the door , there was two sisters ahead of us. Another girl came in behind us. I asked the lady at the desk for a picture, and paid for it. And suddenly I heard Santa ask her forward. I walked up holding her hand and Santa smiled and invited her to sit on his lap. He wrapped his arm around her and drew her close and asked "have you been a good girl"? " I try to be" she answered. And then he asked the question,
you know the question,

"What would you like for Christmas honey"?

The air crackled...I felt like I should not be there.
Have you ever caught someone in fervent, heart rending prayer ? I have. It is a sensation like no other. You feel like a trespasser.
But I was there, a witness...
There was a feeling of light and expectation and faith, utter, pure faith! And you realize something miraculous is about to occur.

She looked at me for a moment, said she could not remember what she wanted.
We both know that is not true. I said "it's okay honey".
But then she seemed to realize this was her chance, turned and looked back at Santa and said..."my mommy has kidney failure and she is on dialysis and I would really like a new kidney for her". Without blinking Santa told her" well, you know that is not something Santa can do", "She replied, "I know...", "but", he said, "I know the right people to have pray about your mommy so that your  request goes to the right person". He then told her he was sure she was a very good girl and that Santa would bring her something special, and then almost as if he forgot he added," too". Too?, I thought, wait...

And then the lady showed us to the table with the pictures. We took our picture,  thanked Santa, walked out.

All the while rolling around my head is the word "too..."

We met grandpa for dinner and  I still kept hearing that "too" and remembering my bible and the importance of claiming a miracle  I told Andy what Mina had asked for. He was surprised but happy, looked at me and said "what did Santa do?" I told him everything. "Wow!" He said. "That is funny."
We finished our dinner, and went to wait in line for the Christmas trolley. We got on and made our way to the lighting of the Christmas star on the water tower. This event was on Main Street, just down the road. As we walked around on Main Street, with joyful families and people all around, Mina asked me the meaning of the Christmas star? I told her my belief was it was the beginning of the celebration of Christmas here in Hamburg and people were excited to have a visible representation that Christmas was here.
When the star lit up we cheered with everyone else. "Maybe the star is like God saying he got my wish!" she said excitedly! We walked around and toasted marshmallows and talked and talked. By the time we made it to our place we were cold and tired but so happy! All night long she was so happy, sure in the knowledge that God had received her wish for mommy.
When I took her home, mommy met us at the door. She asked Mina how things had gone with Santa? Mina replied "good!" and ran into the apartment. I told Sara what had happened, and she almost cried "thank you Mina!" she said and hugged her. I went home feeling peaceful and happy. All the way home hearing "too" Over and over, all night long.

For the next couple weeks we went on making our Christmas plans and getting excited about being all together at christmas, it had been so long. Christmas Eve we were all at Sara's and Erik's, watching the kids enjoy being together. It was lovely... we went home. I put away the dishes, laid down with a book preparing to relax. The phone rang, announced Sara was calling, and I knew!
Mommy! Do you remember Mina's Christmas wish?!
Our excitement was almost too much to bear. "I will be there in 5!" I told her.

I think I made it in 2 minutes.
Then as I stood there in the living room, my coat off, getting ready to spend the night with Mina and getting instructions for Christmas morning.the phone rang. "Hello!" she excitedly answered and suddenly  her face dropped.
"Uh huh' Yes' okay..." She hung up and tearfully looked at Erik and I. "They want to biopsy the kidney again. They say to call back at 6 am if I don't hear from them before then" she said, her voice breaking...
In seconds Erik had her wrapped in a hug and he was saying exactly what I was about to say.
"Don't worry!" He said " they just want to be sure!"
"Mina's wish was for Christmas!"
"Yes exactly!" I said "that is exactly what I was going to say!"
I went home and let Erik comfort and encourage her.
Thinking, and hearing " too" I knew, I just knew!

I went and laid down, I did't even undress, I got up at 3am, and waited, I knew! At 5 am the phone rang. "Are they ready for you?" I asked.
I heard the smile in her voice..."yup!"

I ran all the way there. I came in the door and Mina ran to hug me. "Look what Santa brought me!" she said pointing to her toys, "and he brought mommy her kidney!" Smiling
 " too." I added.

Now, this miracle came with a price, another family lost someone they loved. He had signed his donor card and they honored his wishes. Because of his generosity 11 lives were changed forever... Miraculous!

Our hearts go out to this family and the others everywhere who give this last gift of themselves and their loved ones to save others.

And, I want you to know it is a miracle that can be repeated again and again by simply signing a donor card and talking to your family about your wishes. It is so appreciated!

Mina has taught me so many things, have the faith of a child, ask, even if you are not sure, and wait with expectation because
God will bless you. Believe!

I witnessed a Christmas miracle...

The Question of Life, "Whose Cleaning the Dishes Tonight?"

The other day my husband and I happened to catch the end of "The Family Feud" on TV and the question was asked of a hundred women, "what in their house did they think they could not stand to see one more day?" I knew right away! "Dirty Dishes!" and I was right!

I think I have spent the greatest majority of time in my life in front of a sink, doing dishes. One of my earliest jobs was standing at the kitchen counter near my mom, in our cherry red and bright white kitchen at Northview Terrace in Rochester, drying dishes.

There I stood with my sisters in my special apron, a gift from grandma Hobson. special little towel attached with a  red and gold button to my apron. Drying dishes and handing them back to my mom. We, my sisters and I, used to fight to get more dishes to dry. What were we thinking!

I will let you in on a secret. I do not fight to get more dishes to dry anymore. Nope! As a matter of fact, I look for ways to have less dishes to wash. I have become very creative. you would be amazed what you can do with a coffee filter or paper towels. But that is a story for another day.

No this is about doing dishes. I want to say I hate this job, but I struggle with that...

I am not sure what I feel about this task anymore. You see, I pray when I am there at that sink. I shake off frustration when I am angry, I think and imagine . I plan meals, my day, and find a strange peace falling over me in the sound of the water running and the smell of the dish soap and the squeak of the clean dishes.

I only ever had a dishwasher for a very short period of time and was so used to cleaning dishes by hand that I hardly ever used it.

Sometimes I struggle to get to that sink...I think in my mind Why can't I just leave them there? Why can't somebody else do them? But Andy is not a dish washer. It's just not his thing.

Strangely my son will do them without me ever saying a word, and put them away! Go figure.

My sisters used to fight to get out of doing the dishes, I didn't. Not because they were bad and I was good. nope. I have a theory. I am pretty sure I am right.

I think dish cleaners, like runners, are either naturals, meaning they just do them. Or not. and hate it and don't.

The worst, worst , worst thing that ever happened to me was while I was doing the dishes.

But then, some of my best, most wonderful moments, and conversations, have happened while I was cleaning dishes with my sisters and brothers, my mom and dad, my kids, my grandkids, my friends...

Water fights, laughter, song, learning service, and experiencing humbleness. Life, set to the sound of running water and clinking dishes and silverware.

Life! All while cleaning dirty dishes....

It is a great conundrum for me. Do I hate it, or love it?
 AM I meant to solve this question?

 Is it wrong for me to wish you all a few dirty dishes, some soapy water, and a little time, maybe even a friend or loved one to help?

 Oh well, I have a lot of time and dirty dishes to help me figure this out. The sink is calling.

Goodbye, is the hardest...

You would think that hello would be the hardest thing for a kid to say. But not for our Mina.

For her it Is goodbye.

As an only child she experiences a lot of goodbyes. Where most of us have brothers and sisters to help soften the blow of missing people.
She does not.

So when she gets to be with her cousin Ellie, on weekends, at grandma and grandpa's it is a wonderful thing. Sure she has to learn to share and to remember that there are two sides to every issue. Something that is hard for all kids, of any age.

Her cousin, Ellie, is the same.

No, for Mina "hello!" comes naturally. Almost too naturally...

No for her it is "goodbye" that breaks her little heart. Despite all the things that make being together with her cousin hard, like sharing.

It is still her favorite thing to do .
She tries so hard to be a good "big sister" and her heart is just so open and giving...

I am so grateful for my brothers and sisters at these times watching these sweet girls become sister cousins. Something they both need, and want. So badly!

Then comes the sad part...

It is Sunday, and they must part.
The tears, the heartbreaking sadness... "but I don't want her to go grandma! "
"I just love her so much!!
Watching her, holding her hand and comforting her. I tell her it will be okay, and it will be.

But I realize that I am lying too.

Oh I have gotten used to the goodbyes and the time apart from my brothers and sisters. But goodbye is the hardest part. And though on the outside I am smiling. On the inside I am the same as my little Mina...

The Walk Home...

Pretty much every afternoon now I get to walk my granddaughter Mina home from school.

I love doing it!

It is a time for reflection and fun. Every day she shouts "grandma! As though it is the first time we are doing this.

We start our conversation with what her day was like. And then a quick rundown of my day so far. Then she begins to point out things to me. Flowers so small and perfect that would fit on the top of a pencil eraser.

She collects fall leaf bouquets for her mommy.

When she saw water workers drilling on the sidewalk she walked up and looked in the hole and asked what they were doing? They replied that they were looking for gold! She was so excited! "Maybe there really is gold under the streets and sidewalk grandma !"

I was about to dash all her young hopes but I decided not to.

Because... I remembered all the wonderful things I used to imagine on the way home from school. That wonderful time of endless possibilities

These wonderful walks remind me every day to look for the very small things, like little flowers.

The beautiful things all around me in the changing of the season that I could only see as a need to get things ready for winter.

And to make a beautiful gift of it to someone who was not there with us.

But I think my favorite thing is her glory in exploring the world around her the way she jumps in and asks questions. And her total dedication to the idea of endless possibilities !

Soon enough the real world will place it's weight on her. But I hope these walks encourage her to find a way to incorporate all the possibilities that she sees now.

"Grandma can we go slow? There's a lot to see. " She says.
"Yup honey!" "we have all the time in the world..."