Creative Thinking!: The Big Exit

This is for my daughter Sara... who has Focal Segmental Glomerlo Sclorosis.

Who smiled as she told me the other night." You know I am dying right?" " Oh, I don't mean right now" she said." But every day they are basically battling to save my life".We had been talking of illness and dreams. "The real truth mom for people like me is not like what they show you in the movies". "They can't promise that my new transplant will work, or how bad it will be if it does not".

She explained... For poor people who are sick. there are no trips around the world. No bucket list. Just a quiet knowing that you have to get up tomorrow and live your life everyday like every other day. Dreams don't matter. Your kid needs their mom, your husband needs his wife. Bills must be paid and dreams they get left by the wayside. You just have to keep going. Money is always scarce because of the tremendous costs of everything. There is no easy or carefree road.

"I am not unhappy mom..." she said. "I love my husband and daughter". "Very much". "But sometimes" she
said " I just wish there could be more..."

How do I argue with that? I have seen her come home every night after dialysis so sick and worn out. getting up the stairs to her apartment is like climbing a mountain. She doesn't complain, and she won't let me help her. Because when I am not here she must do it for herself. She will let me help with her daughter, but she steps right up and is her mom when Mina needs her. Never letting Mina know how tired she is, or what it has cost her physically to be the mom she is.

I am very proud of her, of all my children.

So proud!

But God help me, I wish for the dream fulfilled. The bucket list. Not that horrible calm waiting. My heart goes out to all those suffering a long goodbye from a horrible disease. MS, Lou Garrig's, heart problems, cancer, etc.

I tell her not to give up, to fight on. And I see how hard she is. But I am praying for just a little comfort in the form of a dream or two fulfilled.

First living, and then maybe not a rich life, but one where stress does not dog your every day and a dream could be experienced.

I do not even know what she dreams of doing.

I will be honest. I fear to ask. I think my heart will break.

But I really want her to know that I pray everyday for that opportunity to be present for her. And in my heart I have to believe it will.

But in the meantime. I need to tell her how proud I am that she gets up every day and goes on.

I need all my children to know how proud of them all, I am.
And to know that their dad and I are always going to be there in any way we can. In the hopes that you can more than just exist, but truly experience life. It may not be seeing the Taj Mahal, or Disney World, But maybe singing in a play or dancing at your daughters wedding.
We want the world for you. We did not bring you into this world to suffer. But to have JOY and thrive.

And so now I ask all of you.

PRAY!

Pray for healing, for comfort, for dreams fulfilled for all who suffer these illnesses.

And that the EXIT sign is in a room with many doors that lead to many glorious possibilities before you ever reach that exit door.

Quiet acceptance is okay....

But I must believe in more. Because I love her.