Do you hear what I hear?

Listening.
someone posted that word on my facebook page this week and I have been pondering it mightily!

Oh, it sounds so simple. but it's not. 
We think we are listening....

But, you know that game where you stand in a line and someone tells the first person in line something, whispered quietly in their ear... 
But, by the time it gets to the last person, it is something totally different from what had been originally whispered. Did we really listen.

How does that happen? 
Do we do it on purpose?
If it was about us would we take care to make sure it was shared correctly?
Our best friend, our spouse, our children?
What then? 

The same goes for when we speak  to someone...
Do we think before we speak? 
Do we speak from our hearts?
Are we listening to what we say?
Ahhhh... there's that word again. 
Listening, hearing, feeling what we say.
I sadly don't think so.

Nope. 

I hear people saying things that make me feel like curling up in a ball. 
Talking to their children, "you are such a little drama queen!" " oh, he always lies!" "don't believe a word he says. "
My most hated thing, kids stuck standing there while their father berates and belittles their mother and then turns to his daughter who is tugging on his jacket and says "what! " "You are just like your mother! Can't you just sit there and be quiet?!" 
I don't care why she was tugging on his jacket. that is never, ever okay!

And here is the weird part. When I have had the chance to talk to people later about why they might have said these things. They deny it! Vehemently! So I have to think they were not really listening.  to anything.

I was recently reading an article where a young man was talking about his family. because of circumstances beyond his control a family member was disabled and his parents had to care for that person. He was young and an easy target for his parents frustration and anger for the situation. their anger manifested itself in verbal abuse. Horrible verbal abuse... And after many years of counseling he tried to talk to them. 
They called him a liar! They really believed they had been wonderful supportive parents. 

That he was the troublemaker. 

He had the best explanation for it I have ever heard. 
The person who is doing the berating, the name calling, has every reason to want to forget what they have done, to write a new history in their head, and that is why they truly believe that they have done nothing wrong.  they never said those horrible things...
But the person that has been the brunt of such words, are scarred. Those words are burned into their hearts and brains. They will always feel less than they are, always judge themselves by 2 measuring sticks, the worlds and the person that told them they were less...

And they can never ever forget.

Hard as it must be, we all have to start listening, take care to hear our words, before, and after we speak them. Maybe to be brave enough to stop playing the game, say "I am not sure what I heard , but I don't want to repeat it to anyone!" and walk out of that line. To say I am so embarrassed by my words and ashamed of what I said to you, or about you. that all I can do is ask forgiveness.

Somebody is going to tell me it's just a silly game.
Or say they are only teasing when they call their children names. It toughens them up. (yup! it sure does! But not in a good way.)
Or that the father had every right to berate that daughter, and say what he did.

But I am asking you to take a day or two and think about it. Talk with your friends. See if they have experienced anything similar and what their take is on it. see how they feel. Listen....

Because if there is even the smallest thought in your head, or having experienced seeing it in person you, yourself, felt uncomfortable... then we as a people  need to rethink the way we speak and listen to each other, and ourselves. 

I am taking a long look at me. 
I wanna do this right. 
I want to listen...